Perfect story no more

No matter how much I said, how much I  cried and pleaded, he says “not now”. That says a lot about this relationship. I guess I’m just going to have to wait and see. Or just keep it secret till after all the school work and group projects together.

Haay. This isn’t how i wanted my perfect love story to end..

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This is the saddest I’ve ever been my whoole life.. And I’m hurt because it’s because of you 😦

I’m trying to be okay with things. But I can’t because I don’t know where this is going anymore. Everyday I find myself crying out of nowhere. Everyday I find myself alone even though I’m with people.

Break up? Of course I would think of saying that. I was angry at you. I was vulnerable to saying anything. I was upset. I was hurt.

Who am I to ask things from you? We’re not together. Not anymore. Hahahaha ang tanga mo talaga, A

Haay.

I want a real hug from you.

I don’t know how I’m getting by each day.

You just don’t understand how bad I feel about things, about me, about us.

I hurt so bad I can’t talk to anyone about it. I hurt so bad the first thing I do every day after ojt the past few days is lock myself in my room and cry. I hurt so bad I just want to end things with you just so I can have peace, but I can never do that. So I struggle to look okay, be okay. But I can’t. Because you’re never around. You say you are, but you’re not anymore.

Di mo alam na ikaw lagi iniisip ko, pero lagi akong naiiyak at nalulungkot pag ginagawa ko yun. Gusto ko lang naman na magpakita ka sakin ulit kung mahal mo pa talaga ako. Kasi ang hirap na paniwalaan e 😥

Lagi kong sinasabi na ayoko na ayoko na. Pero mas di ko kaya pag ginawa ko yun. Ang sakit sakit.

I feel like you’re falling out that’s why you’ve stopped trying.

But I’m not giving up just yet. I know we can still patch things up the way it should be.

Please, please. Stop giving me reasons to cry. Make me happy again. Make me feel like I’m still loved by you. I put my whole faith and trust in you, please don’t take me for granted. Appreciate me when I do things for you, cuddle me for no reason, hold me tight when I need you, miss me when you do…

Surprise me, love.

Time Off

I’m sad. I’m heartbroken. “I think we need to take some time off” kept repeating in my head my brain’s gone insane. I’m pretty sure I have every right and reason to be upset towards him… And the world. Gah the dead silence is deafening.

It’s back to square one for us. I’m nobody’s someone again. He says it’s not like we’re breaking up, but it sure as hell sounds leading up to it. He says it’s going to be good for us, it’s not.

It’s all just a deja vu for me. It was just like with this other someone before. We tried, but we eventually died out of it. I’m scared for us. Everything will be just so different after this. He broke my heart way too many times already. What do I do?

Tired Heart Things

I’m this way because you don’t make me feel special anymore. I’m this way because you still do things, things that I always tell you not to do, things that bother me everyday. You blame my lifestyle for how I behave! You blame our differences for how we never set things straight! You always see me as the bad person who wants everything for herself to go her way. I hate that you’re always with them. And that you tell me I’m selfish for keeping you away from them. I hate it. I hate you for it.

I need someone who can love every little thing about me. I hope, only for you, that you learn to. It wasn’t like this before! I know you were a lot happier, you told me that full well. You feel restricted, you feel like I’m changing you, you feel like you’re losing your identity. And what do you tell me? You need “some time to figure things for us”? What does that do to our relationship?

Staying away from each other to figure things is a lot like running away from our problems.

We’re better than this.

I just know it.

Will I Remember How To Love You

 

Say it works out, and you electroshock my memory back into motion, and I remember how to love you in all the ways that someone should be loved, will you love me back?

I’m in love with its realness.

Thought Catalog

When I finally meet you, will I remember how to love you? I think, somewhere in the last–what is it now? Almost 4 years?–of being mostly alone, or at least not in love, maybe I forgot what you’re supposed to do when you are in love. For instance, will I remember how to pull my limbs in from my nightly spread eagle in bed, and not hate you for taking up half the space that has, for so long, been mine, ALL MINE, GOD DAMNIT?

Will I remember how to lie awake on Sunday morning while you sleep, counting the freckles that pepper your back? Will I remember how to care about all the boring, stupid minutiae of your job, and I don’t mean just pretend to care, but actually, genuinely give a shit when you call me up to tell me how your boss did so and so and…

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