Tired Heart Things

I’m this way because you don’t make me feel special anymore. I’m this way because you still do things, things that I always tell you not to do, things that bother me everyday. You blame my lifestyle for how I behave! You blame our differences for how we never set things straight! You always see me as the bad person who wants everything for herself to go her way. I hate that you’re always with them. And that you tell me I’m selfish for keeping you away from them. I hate it. I hate you for it.

I need someone who can love every little thing about me. I hope, only for you, that you learn to. It wasn’t like this before! I know you were a lot happier, you told me that full well. You feel restricted, you feel like I’m changing you, you feel like you’re losing your identity. And what do you tell me? You need “some time to figure things for us”? What does that do to our relationship?

Staying away from each other to figure things is a lot like running away from our problems.

We’re better than this.

I just know it.

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Will I Remember How To Love You

 

Say it works out, and you electroshock my memory back into motion, and I remember how to love you in all the ways that someone should be loved, will you love me back?

I’m in love with its realness.

Thought Catalog

When I finally meet you, will I remember how to love you? I think, somewhere in the last–what is it now? Almost 4 years?–of being mostly alone, or at least not in love, maybe I forgot what you’re supposed to do when you are in love. For instance, will I remember how to pull my limbs in from my nightly spread eagle in bed, and not hate you for taking up half the space that has, for so long, been mine, ALL MINE, GOD DAMNIT?

Will I remember how to lie awake on Sunday morning while you sleep, counting the freckles that pepper your back? Will I remember how to care about all the boring, stupid minutiae of your job, and I don’t mean just pretend to care, but actually, genuinely give a shit when you call me up to tell me how your boss did so and so and…

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